i am not your delicate flower

stumbled upon a very insightful collection of thoughts on chivalry:

How many “chivalrous” men think about other men when they hold open doors? Or rush to pull out another man’s chair? Not many, in my experience. And, at least in the chair-pulling instance, the act would probably be considered highly offensive to the recipient of such “chivalry”. But we women aren’t allowed to be offended by those same acts. We’re not allowed to speak up against them, or to ask for such acts not to extend to us. It’s just good manners after all.

And that, to me, is one of the ways that chivalry is exposed for what it really is: a way to control women by forcing “courtesy” on us. The veneer of good manners is just a smokescreen to make it hard for women to break away from the controlling aspects. Women get “special” treatment, whether we like it or not.

well said. there is a clear distinction between holding the door open for a person and doing it for a woman. people love to throw out the statement: “well you’re a women, of course they’re nicer/friendlier/more generous towards you!”- well shit! i sure as hell didn’t sign up for this. how do i opt out? do i need to bust out the duct tape? really?

i am very down with politeness. i’d even say excessive politeness- but i can feel when i’m being treated a certain way because of my gender. and it’s awkward every single time. almost every man in this office building will stand near an open elevator until all surrounding females have entered. even if they aren’t remotely close to the open door. WHY? WHY WHY WHY? FOR SAFETY?!

and let me clarify- this was more of a “this is so silly can we please make it die now” than “oh my god this enrages my uterus and me”. niceness is niceness— but the little bits of olden-days that creep in make for some silly situations in these times. if it helps to interact with me in a more neutral way, just pretend i have a penis. yay! everyone wins!

end note: found the article from mimi’s post: think women have achieved equality? think again. also a good/quick read.

what are your thoughts?